Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What kind of me are you?

So I found a fun book the other day and this was it's essential question. Here are some quotes : I'm my cat's pillow, I'm my dog's walker, I'm my shadow's body, I'm my dream's dreamer, I'm my best friend's best friend.
It's pretty much amazing.
So... what kind of me are you?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Oh the wonders!

who are you going to vote for? Well, I don't know. I probably won't know til I actually do it. How bout you?

I just saw the thinnest noodle on TV.

Awkwardness does love company, it's proven everyday.

Pudding hugs my mouth.

Ducks only like me if I have bread.

My lake is pretty.

Walking in the fall is wonderful.

Shall I go to Uganda or South Africa?

Mountains can disappear.

SNL is hilarious, especially during the Political season.

Hooray for angry songs that sound happy, even if they are by Pink!

Ooh, I still have rhubarb ice cubes!

Some people want the latest technology, I'm happy to have radio and turn signals again!!

And to all who read this, I miss you!

Monday, September 15, 2008


I'm thinking about writing a book. Not a story book, a poetry book. Bad poetry, like E. E. Cummings. A friend asked me once what kind of book I would write if I would write one, and that is what I answered. I didn't take myself seriously at all when I said it, but now I think about it, and I think that if I would want something of me to last and leave behind, that is what it would be. Strange, you would think that I would have said something more visually artistic. And I guess this is true of course too, because this is the kind of mark I currently make upon the world. But to be quite honest it is a much safer route. I can put all kinds of intense thought into my artwork, deeply personal and incredibly tragic or even completely unhinged and you can interpret it however you choose. You see it through your own lense and bring a whole lot of your own beauty or pain to whatever it was that I just tried to show you. And I can feel better because I got it out there, and just blame you for your misinterpretation.
But when I am gone, heaven forbid the world be rid of me! ha! then I might be ok with my true self being on paper. A more blunt form of my emotions and very internal processing. Then I don't have to look you in the eye. So yeah, I might write a book someday. But I'll be dead before it's published, and you probably will be too, and hence this post too is completely pointless.

Sunday, August 24, 2008


I'm an extremely selfish person. I am also on drugs. I contemplate the appropriateness of this post. But my inhibitions are less and dropping. I wish some of you could know me now. I wish you could see this. And I wish that others didn't have to. I wish I knew what to do with my self. I wish I could fly. I wish that I could know the person I will someday marry and I could just be in this whatever state of drugged up bliss and rest silently upon his shoulder. I wish I could sing everyday with the passion of Dave Barnes who is absolutely beautiful to me. I have some sense to delete most of whatever I just wrote but also have sense enough to know that you are getting some sort of mild joy at reading this and that those of you who do read this won't hold it against me forever. I can't believe I'm going to post this. I can't believe that you actually read this garbage. I can't believe that i started this post the way I did, and I can't believe that i waste my time like this. I can't believe they expect me to teach tomorrow. Yes, they actually entrust me with children.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

No such thing

There is no such thing as the socially competent. I heard a friend describe a stranger as socially awkward. I saw what he meant, but I also realize my own social failures. And then I started to see his and everyone's. One person makes spastic movements, another covers up what's really on their mind, another shuts down and closes people out. I've done all of these things.

Many of you have heard me say this in the past: awkwardness loves company. I'm awkward and so are you, let's acknowledge it, embrace it and have some awkward communion.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Antidote

This is a sloth. A sloth is very slothful. He only poops once a week. He moves so little that some varieties turn green from the algae that grow on them. They are pathetic creatures. But he looks soft to pet at least! Yeah zoos and random knowledge!
I am no longer a sloth. My summer has been over for some time now, exterme-a-ly busy with grad school classes. This is my last week of it being technically vacation and I am soon to return to teaching and have a slight overlap with being a student as well. My summer will be very officially and incredibly over. The only reason for my confidence in the school year is that I made it last year and I was extreme-a-ly busy then with all the activities of moving in to an apartment, establishing residency in a new state, etc. I'll make it, it just won't look pretty. My busyness is going to prevent me from blogging much. But I do have some teaser questions for you: How much stock do you put in dreams? And almost unrelated, but potentially very related: How does God communicate? More on that later..... I think...

Monday, June 23, 2008

breathe in breathe out

Well, I haven't said much, in a long while. And my life has changed alot since then, but it has changed back, so really you didn't miss much. But then again, perhaps you missed it all. Perhaps I did too. I realize I am very cryptic, but I really don't care. This is my place to be as vague as humanly possible and not really care whether or not any of you understand me. But it is also my place to be quite the opposite and not really care if I offend any of you. Because after all you may not read it or you may not tell me that you do. Or I might not have talked to you in ages. Or I might not even know who you are. Crazy how this works.

I'm on an escapade of escape and recoil this summer. I'm a complete sloth and I don't care. Actually I do, and that is the problem. I read some, I doodle some, have high hopes of grand projects, stalk people on Facebook, dread my grad school classes that are quickly approaching, jam to music of all sorts, drink lots of IntaJuice, make better plans for next summer (Africa!). But mostly I'm just a sloth, and I'm told that this is ok, because I am a teacher and I need to recuperate. I think I need somebody to tell me that it's not ok and kick my butt and tell me what to do, or even do it with me. That's what I need. But my challenge is to do this all without that motivation and I'm slowly rising to it. I think I might volunteer at Habitat for Humanity for a day a week, just to kick me in my own butt. And it would be fun too. We went and helped in Windsor the other day for tornado relief. We basically organized a ton of donated goods. That was good, but I want to build something, paint something, fix something.

This is a worthless post and I do apologize, but at least you know I'm still posting, and that I will post something more enlightening in about a month.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pirates; symbolism

Yeah for the annual Muppet Treasure Island Party!! Some sweet stuff was 'comandeered' from school and lovely pirate shaped cookies were made. Making this one of the best ever, HOWEVER, Many mateys were missed greatly. (No they did not fall overboard).
Some new crew members were added, but they could never replace the originals! Perhaps one day we shall all be together! Ahoy!
The black spot cookie is seen above and is currently circulating. dun dun dun. BEWARE THE BLACK SPOT!

Ok and now, because I am too lazy to write a seperate blog for this, and because my time is running out on this publiK computer, I must now tell you the deep inner workings of my mind without allowing you to switch gears. How cruel. But if I can do it, so can you. And well, only a handful of beautiful people such as yourself read this thing anyway. I thank you.
Anywho, I'm just realizing how crazy symbolic I am lately. Like everything everywhere makes me think something a little bit more deeply. I read into songs and look for signs from God about situations in all sorts of inanimate objects. Is that wierd, ignorant, archaic, strange, cool, psychotic? Well, I think it comes from being an artist somewhat. Or rather that my artistic nature comes out of that. about a week ago I saw a face in the carpet. I'm nuts. Do you think that God ever speaks faster than we ought to act? I am straying now from my original topic, but I really would like to hear as many answers to these questions, especially this last question. I hope you are still reading.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Bexter: Super Hero

I'm a super hero. It's true. I have most recently tapped into my abilities and they are unrelenting. The world will once again be saved from complete destruction.

To be a bit more realistic, I'm just feeling very confident lately. All in one day: I rescued the Preschoolers from a technological attack (the TV didn't work) I called the alarm company after someone else (NOT ME!!) accidentally set off the alarm. She was excessively grateful. Then after accidentally dropping our recycling can in the newspaper bin, I thought about diving in, when Sarah spotted a stick from afar and I proceeded to somehow be successful in using said stick. Other occurences: somehow being successful teaching things beyond my capability, learning huge concepts and annoying details on a daily basis, and being completely blown away by randomly remembering things about computers and then putting them to practice on the spot! Now I get to go be a hero to my Kids Hope mentee.

P.S. For those who want a more accurate and colorful description of my life, Sarah's been doing a much better job than myself in depicting everyday life in Colorado. I don't write some stuff sometimes because I know she is doing a much better job. Especially when it comes to our recent misadventures in Fort Collins!! http://www.xanga.com/sem1210

Saturday, February 9, 2008

quotable quotes

A few pickings of my brain that I want to call quotes. My own, noone else's. Though they are not copyrighted. So go ahead and steal them if you want. you live with the guilt! hahah.. *meniacal laughter*

" No two people are not alike" this is a little spinoff of the phrase from homestar runner that says 'No two people are not on fire'. But seriously though, I've just been thinking about how alike I once thought I was with some people and now I'm seeing so many differences and it kinda bugs me in some ways and in other ways it's great because I see that I am ME. and no one else. I find more and more that Identity issues are a key thing in life. We all struggle with it and more importantly we all need to. And to top that off, I just have to say that when I see my identity as being in Christ everything else just gets way simpler.

"The outpouring of the soul leads to nothing human" This is just something I thought of when I poured my heart out once upon a time and the person I was talking to didn't help me at all and in fact made matters worse. Venting is good and everyone needs to do it, but I won't really ever get anything out of that process. Even when you do think someone understands you, they won't always be there. Only One person remains, as the Listening Ear and the Comforting Shoulder. That sounds a little superficial, and it is a little. Because I am still very sad about it.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Let Go and Let God

This is basically what the sermon was about today. Plain and simple: Let Go and Let God. Don never said it in so many words, but that was what it was. Trust in God and stop trying to do it yourself. Alot of people won't say this phrase because they think it is cliche. Well, yeah, I suppose. But really, now, are cliche's always so bad (this coming from an artist! WOAH!) seriously though. They got cliche for a reason. Their overused for a reason. They are true, they say it simple and straight. Course I guees we don't always want it to be so simple. Hearing it the same way over again makes it easier to ignore. But that doesn't mean it ought to be ignored. In fact, quite the opposite. Give it a shot onece again and just listen to what the good phrase says!

I've been trying to live this out today. It isn't too easy. I really like trying to do things and fix things. But I suck at it. I end up watching everyone help me fix my problems instead. Which is beautiful and absolutely humbling too. Lately I don't even know how to pray, I just know that that is the ONLY thing truly required of me.

Completely unrelated (though all things relate and I could make this relate if I wanted to, which I do, but it might be painful for you, my few and far between reader(s) : JUNO. Great movie. I giggled through about the entire thing. Somewhat crude at points (I give you fair warning) But it is just so honest and real and full of hope. (and sarcasm)

Quote from the movie: Doctors are sadists who like to play God and laugh at the lesser people's pain.

I knew it!